I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
