I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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