why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
