why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
