Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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