how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
