Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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