Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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