jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
