and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize