Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
