Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
