Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
