I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
