Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
