You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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