I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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