Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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