So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
