my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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