i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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