so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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