YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
