i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
