honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize