I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
