Redeem this text for a blowjob
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
