Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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