accomplished twins. life is a go
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
