dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
