Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
