Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
