Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
