dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
