Im at strip club and am horny
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
