I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize