you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
