2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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