haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate all girls vehemently.
I understand Curling. That high.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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