The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
