just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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