The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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