Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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