I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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