I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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