absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
