Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
