apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
