i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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