I puked a lego.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
