They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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