A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
