I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
