And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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