So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
