I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sarcasm needs its own font
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
