At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
