oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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