My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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