And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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