I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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