VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
