I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
not ubering you a puppy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
