What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
