Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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