I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
