woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
