You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
