the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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